dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
