I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
