im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
