she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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