Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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