if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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