he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He felt like a one man threesome
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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