If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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