A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
