I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
