I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
