he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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