carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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