When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
