you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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