Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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