At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I still have a little drunk in my system
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
