Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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