I look better un-naked...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
