Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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