Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
