I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
