I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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