Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
