I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
