How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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