if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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