sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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