After last night, I could never be a politician.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.