I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
