Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.