my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon