I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....