I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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