Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my shit smells like andre
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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