Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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