Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
