YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
