just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
