why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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