There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
