I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize