What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
