dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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