So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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