DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
