Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
