i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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