Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Never underestimate the power of titties
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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