Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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