so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
