You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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