shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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