does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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