the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
