i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This baby is an asshole
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
