Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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