So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
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So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
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I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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