Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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