grandma shit on top of the toilet
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My feet surprised me
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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