He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
