what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
