Screwed.edu
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
