Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
