I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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