So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
