Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
