Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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