Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize