I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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